new neighbours

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new neighbours

bellend
a right snooty young bird just moved in down the road. when i make someone breakfast in bed, a simple thankyou is all i need, not all this how did you get in my house bollocks.
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

confused of hornchurch

Can you prepare a full English at 07.30 for me on Tuesday? Thanks.
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Re: new neighbours

bellend
I work with a Chinese guy called Kim and one time at a works function, we were having a drink and I said to him Do you ever get fed up of us Westerners saying that all Chinese people look the same"?
He replied "Kim's at the bar getting drinks, I'm his wife!!..
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

confused of hornchurch

I bet that confused you.
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Re: new neighbours

bellend
In reply to this post by bellend
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space.
"Lord," he prayed. "I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the Guinness and go to mass every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: "Never mind Lord, I've found one!"
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

bellend
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.
He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: “Easy, William, we won’t be long . . . easy boy.”
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : “William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says :
“It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”
“Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little bastard’s name is Kevin.”
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

bellend
Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver.
Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it......
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

fred
See the Christmas crackers are out early.
Here’s a real life one W Ham v Spurs 3pm on Saturday in the athletics stadium at Stratford.
Can’t beat a bit of humour to brighten your day.
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Re: new neighbours

dalek1
In reply to this post by confused of hornchurch
Out of Queens now and in a short term residential home place for three months aiming if I can manage the stairs to be home for the new year.
First day in this place own room food cooked fresh egg and chips for lunch and was asked if I wanted spotted dick for lunch.
Well had just about everything else in Queens so I guess a spotted dick wont make any difference.
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Re: new neighbours

confused of hornchurch

You sound like you've got enough troubles without the spotted dick. Is it contagious?
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Re: new neighbours

dalek1
Not sure Connie but nice with custard.
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Re: new neighbours

confused of hornchurch

So I've heard!
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Re: new neighbours

OLD CODGER
No custard with cream is even better.
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Re: new neighbours

dalek1
I'll try that next time
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Re: new neighbours

bellend
In reply to this post by dalek1
good luck mate, i went in queens with a spotted dick, by the way jamie olivers' sausages prick with fork.
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

confused of hornchurch

Did you put cream on it?
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Re: new neighbours

bellend
A bloke stopped me in the street today, rattled a tin in my face and said "Dr Barnardo's Home"
I said "Fuck me, I didn't even know he had been away".
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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Re: new neighbours

fred
Fella talking to his mate in the Pub says"Im thinking of having a trip to Thailand",his mate asks "Are you going for pleasure or are you taking the Wife?"
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Re: new neighbours

confused of hornchurch

Boom Boom.
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Re: new neighbours

bellend
Paddy, "I'm ready for a holiday, this year I'm doing it different...
3 years ago I went to Spain & Mary got pregnant...
2 years ago I went to Italy & Mary got pregnant...
Last year I went to Majorca & Mary got pregnant"...
Mick, "what are you doing this year"...?
Paddy says,........................................................................................................................................




















 "I'll take her with me"...
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

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