Christmas Chuckles

classic Classic list List threaded Threaded
160 messages Options
12345 ... 8
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Michael Towner
Banned User
That reindeer fact was a favourite of an old mate Neville who had hundreds of these at his disposal, especially after a few bevvies. Unfortunately he was a suicidal manic-depressive - topped himself by putting his neck on the line in front of an express train.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Rastaozzie
You've killed this thread stone dead with that little anecdote Mike.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Percy
In reply to this post by Michael Towner
That Reindeer story is in fact a myth it depends what type of Reindeer you have several types keep their antlers until spring in both sexes but its only big Males grow the big antlers
Revolutions are always verbose.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Michael Towner
Banned User
Myth? You'll be telling us next that there's no Santa Claus, Percy boy.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Ho-Hum
Oh there is a Santa, he drinks the whiskey and eats the mince pies I put out for him every year.
Refugees do not have the right to demand but should accept the blessings bestowed upon them gracefully by nations extending the hand of friendship.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Ho-Hum
In reply to this post by Rastaozzie
Michael's friend liked to visit the bi-polar regions at Christmas Rasta'.
Refugees do not have the right to demand but should accept the blessings bestowed upon them gracefully by nations extending the hand of friendship.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

bellend
they've had to cancel the panto 'Jack & the Beanstalk' this christmas in birmingham, bradford, leicester, luton and london. apparently the giant couldn't smell any englishmen
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Ho-Hum
Theresa May and Diane Abbott auditioned for the part of ugly sisters in the panto Cinderella but the producer thought they were TOO ugly and would frighten the children.
Refugees do not have the right to demand but should accept the blessings bestowed upon them gracefully by nations extending the hand of friendship.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Michael Towner
Banned User
They should be grateful Emily "Snobbychops" Thornberry didn't audition! Emily's another one of those rich "socialists" who doesn't like working-class people.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Rastaozzie
In reply to this post by Ho-Hum
Best panto line ever: 'Five miles from London and no sign of Dick'
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Michael Towner
Banned User
Good one. I also like the line when the Ugly Sisters see Prince Charming first thing in the morning, looking very tired after a long night's activity. One says to the other "What's he been up to?" to which the reply is "The hilt, by the look of him!"
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

confused of hornchurch

Were these guys dreaming of a 'white Christmas'?

Heathrow security worker arrested in airport toilet after 7kg of cocaine seized by police

Chloe Chaplain
1 hour ago
The Evening Standard

Heathrow: The man was arrested after seven kg of cocaine were seized PA
A Heathrow security worker was arrested in an airport toilet after seven kilograms of cocaine were seized by police.
The National Crime Agency said the man, a 30-year-old from Southall, west London, was detained alongside a 37-year-old man from Colombia in the Terminal 5 bathroom on November 23.
Officers said the 37-year-old had recently disembarked a flight from Colombian capital Bogota.

A 43-year-old man was separately arrested in the arrivals area of the airport.
A fourth man, aged 46, was arrested following a search at an address in EAST LONDON and all four are in custody and are being questioned on suspicion of drug importation offences.
Senior investigating officer Darren Barr said: "Heathrow Airport provided invaluable assistance in this operation, and working with partners such as the Metropolitan Police Service, Border Force and the Heathrow authorities we are determined to target those who may be involved in criminality at the airport."
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Rastaozzie
Like the  Christmas song by Wizard says 'when the snowman brings the snow....'
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

confused of hornchurch

Does he deliver it in the coke a cola truck with all those lights on it?
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Ho-Hum
(Q) What goes oh, oh, oh?

(A) Santa Claus walking backwards
.
Refugees do not have the right to demand but should accept the blessings bestowed upon them gracefully by nations extending the hand of friendship.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

dalek1
In reply to this post by Ho-Hum
Oh well Anne Widdicombe better step in!
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

dalek1
In reply to this post by confused of hornchurch
Many moons ago we used to spend Christmas day at my brothers house.
I looked by his fireplace and noticed a very ornate green Santa.
I asked him why green and he pointed out that was the big ho ho ho's original colour before Coca Cola influenced his change to red.
Oh the negative influence of Yankee corporations on our everyday lives!
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

bellend
Once again this year I've had requests for my vodka/whiskey Christmas cake recipe so here goes. Please keep it in your files as I'm beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!)
1 cup sugar, half pound butter, 1tsp baking powder, 1 cup water, 1tsp salt, 1cup brown sugar, lemon juice, 4 large eggs, nuts, 1....bottle vodka,1...bottle of whiskey 2 cups dried fruit, 4 cups self raising flour.
Sample a cup of vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality, then repeat. The whiskey should be treated with the upmost respect by checking at least half the contents whilst in the sitting position listening to a compilation of Christmas hits from the past, then try to get up and turn on the elecshric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teashpoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it's besht to make sure the vodka is still Ok. Try another cup just in cashe. Turn off the fucking mixer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the one of the bowls when they come together and aim for the middle one chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the vodka to test for tonsisticity. Next sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the vodka. Now shit shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the feckin window. Finish of the vodka and wipe the counter with the cat!
If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

Ho-Hum
Refugees do not have the right to demand but should accept the blessings bestowed upon them gracefully by nations extending the hand of friendship.
Reply | Threaded
Open this post in threaded view
|

Re: Christmas Chuckles

bellend
the youngsters still believe that the white haired, bearded, jolly old bloke is going to give him loads of free shit that's going to magically appear and never have to be paid for.


or old father corbyn as he likes to be called.

If we learn from our mistakes, why aint I a genius, If you educate the masses where's the advantage for the few?

12345 ... 8